arrest

  I give myself a pat on the back for this blog’s title.   Shut up, you would too if your day consisted of eating stale cereal and making sock puppets.   I am very creative and unemployed! John Mayer was stopped by the po po in L.A. because he was driving with expired tags and no license plate.  Yeah right, that’s what they want us to believe.  John Mayer was really stopped for being a tool, a useless tool.  Which brings me to today’s Hump Day question from fellow reader Gossip Girl 3000: Dear Miss Fling, Why do you hate on Mayer??? HE iz Soooooo hot.  LOVE MAYER 4EVZ!!! GossipGirl3000 Thank you Gossip Girl.  I’m going to assume you’re 15, your grammar makes me want to draw blood from my eye socket.  That is a good thing!  You have unearthed a new emotion in my lifeless body: More Rage.  My love/hate relationship with John Mayer is like my love/hate relationship with cheese.  I’m lactose intolerant, so eating cheese gives me horrible unholy diarrhea and brings burning rage to my backdoor key hole.  But I still eat it, not because I love it, but because I was programmed to need dairy products.  I don’t love Mayer but I need him to rant deeply and to make my blog readers happy.   He also gives me raging diarrhea.  I now lost 80% of my readers.  QUICK I need a marketing strategy… “Dear readers, I am removing my pants” **checks**……oh, there goes the 19% too…wait who’s the 1%?..  Uncle Bill I told you once and I’ll tell you again, naked smiley parties are NOT an appropriate family event. I'm not going to sleep with you!!!! .......god.......that is a mistake you only make once.