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Happy 4th of July to all you Americans and all you non-Americans currently being held hostage in your own countries by American military. Isn’t Independence fun???
God I love America, it is truly a land of opportunity! Just ask Samantha Ronson. Sure she is useless and sure no one really knows what she does or what she is or why she is what she is, but America has not failed her! She is now on the tip of every gossiper’s tongue and literally on Lindsay Lohan’s.
Ah Lindsay Lohan! She is the epitome of everything stereotypical of American living. She and her family are the perfect white trash image of America. But they give hope to others like them to not try to change who they truly are, but to embrace their sub culture and to stick up to the world and say “Hey, if I want my cousin to be a baby daddy for my love child, and if that love child is now my husband then so be it”. Just look at the Spears sister. They in return give hope to the trailer trash communities of America. They give hope to those beer bellied teenagers to step into corporate America and mass produce their All American-apple-pie-girl-next-door-image, into the cookie cutter-bleach blonde-fake boobed starlets, fulfilling all those superficial American dreams.
Look at Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt! The perfect example of The American Dream! They give new meaning to the over privileged white American youth! Money, youth, mass produced lifestyle, passive global attitude! They are the ideal representatives of the new and uprising MTV generation.
So grab a glass and toast America today. Toast their youth, their Hollywood starlets, their family structures. Only in America can you walk free from a DUI, only in America can you pay an 18 year old $300,000 to not admit to having sex with you, only in America can R. Kelly pee on you and have you like it, and only in America can Madonna be an "artist"...I mean Europe has Gauguin and Da Vinci but Madonna has cone boobs!
And in America boobs win.
Happy Birthday America. And God Bless.
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