Flinging Hump Day: Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer bore Miami

SHIT! As if my day wasn’t bad enough (read post below).   InTouch Weekly has released pictures of Jennifer McBoring and douche bag extraordinaire John Mayer, canoodling in Miami. If you have working eyes, and you are not an asshole with great taste you too can affirm that John Mayer is not a good looking guy.  In fact, if he wasn’t famous (which is an engima on its own), then no girl would give him a double take.  On top of all that, he is ridiculously not funny yet he thinks he is!  THAT alone is enough to make me want to stab out his puffy eyes and punch him in his “O” face.    Add Jennifer Aniston to the mix and you have yourself an unpleasantly awkward couple.  The kind that just look so wrong together, and have no appeal towards one another or to others around them, that you can’t help but cringe when they stare lovingly at each other and hold hands.  SO WRONG. I am also convinced John Mayer will forever be the rebound in any relationship.   He can only get the rebounds, and in return he also becomes their rebound.  The only way he is secure enough in himself to get these vulnerable girls is by over loving them which is a nice contrast to what they received before him, and then dumping them just so he can say, he dumped a hot girl.  I’m onto you John Mayer.  I can’t imagine dating Jennifer Aniston.  She seems too needy and has this “woe is me” vibe.   I bet you anything they take long baths to the musical sounds of Enya, while braiding each others’ hairs and reading poetry they wrote to their past lovers.  And since I took Logic in college, I can confidently conclude from the above that John Mayer is a lesbian. Mind you I never showed up to class and after reviewing my final paper my prof stared at me with blank eyes and gave me a long hug and a pat on the back.