Celebrity Fling Gossip - Mud Sticks. Fling your own Celebrity Gossip at www.CelebrityFling.Com!

I’m working as a temp in a financial office! Finally!  I’ve been unemployed for such a long time that I forgot Visa’s primary function.  Apparently they are NOT an expense account.  In other news I may be moving to Mexico for a very very long time.   Senorita Maha es muchas problemas….or something like that.  I don’t know, my French is bad.  Anyway, this is my first “sort of” job after chemotherapy, and even though I am a front desk/office clerk person, I am very proud of getting out there again! 

 

Anyway, I am back.  I am going to commit some serious time each and everyday for this site, and I promise big time changes.  Many of you seem to enjoy the videos, so there will be videos on a daily basis unless I run into technical problems.  Whenever I am inspired to spoof or parody I will make a long video, however the videos I’ll upload daily will be bits on celebrity gossip and my own mess of a life! 

 

If the internet taught me anything, other than the many ways to enlarge my male membrane, it’s that watching another’s life can and will ignite a million creative sparks in the viewer.  So prepare to be touched.  And all the puns intended.

 

That and watching me fail horribly will at least make you feel better about your bitter lives.

 

WOW, it is too early for this crap.  It’s 4:00 pm on a Friday.  I need a shot of espresso….in a tub of booze.

Holy hell!!! Where have I been?

Let me start off by saying I apologize sincerely for the long halt on the celebrity blogging and vlogging.  I’ve been extremely frustrated with my unemployment status, and I’ve been busy with my new and exciting personal life developments.  I will fill you in shortly but for now, let me make it up for you by sharing three new videos I’ve been working on!!

We are going to make lots of new and exciting changes to the site so please come back again, I promise I will be updating regularly!  I miss you bitches.

 

 

 

 

No not my own wedding....first I have to find a mate willing to let me inject my poison into his veins as I devour his upper body.  Don't watch Planet Earth, unless you're going to bring a date over and make out with her while watching PLANET EARTH.....ahem..wink wink.

I am unemployed.

This seems like a recurring theme these days on Celebrity Fling, but I have been MIA for a while.  I haven’t done any new videos or new postings.  My sister is getting married in a week and in our culture that means my parents own my ass for the next week and a half to arrange everything.  Oh wedding bliss..

I am also in the midst of a financial epiphany.  I decided to stay in London and save money, which means I have to find work here and I do actually have an interview today with a very interesting company, so I hope I become a 9-5. 

I DO promise more youtube videos and more postings soon.  So many things are happening in my life right now that I want to share with you, and believe me I will soon, but for now I have to focus on them before I can allow you into my Wonderland. 

The Hills is returning soon, meaning.....MORE PARODIES!

 

 

McConaughey said the following about his new child Levi....yes...LEVI:"We found a great rhythm. Contractions started kicking in. I sat there with her, right between her legs. We got tribal on it, we danced to it! I was DJ-ing this Brazilian music. I have it all chronicled. Becoming a dad is something I've dreamed of doing since I was 10. Becoming a father felt very, very natural. We were jamming! She was sweating. No painkiller, let's go. She just clicked into that gear that only a woman has at a time like this. We'd been up for 40-something hours, and we went from dead tired to a really steadfast, 'Let's handle this… let's stay in the rhythm. Don't let the contraction be more than you. I've pulled out some baby pictures of myself, and the resemblance is amazing. This kid has a lot to learn from us. I want him to come out being a little wiser, a little cooler and a little happier than we are." Aside from pointing out the obvious retardation projected in the above, I am going to make it OFFICIAL: the next parent to talk about birth as a “spiritual” and “beautiful” experience WILL receive a swift kick in the ass.  Women usually crap themselves seconds after the baby enters the world.  It’s like *FART* “Surprise little Timmy...and welcome to life”

It’s funny, we come into the world at the peak of our mother’s crap, and when we die we will also crap ourselves moments before we let go.  And we all wonder what the meaning of life is....

In other news, little Levi McConaughey will die in a horrible baked accident. McConaughey will smoke its ass.

 

Lindsay McLeggings and stud muffin Samantha Ronson have matching promise bracelets that are not only taking their sham of a relationship to a whole new level, but are ugly as hell.

According to a “source” : “The bracelets represent their relationship — they have each other on lockdown, and there’s no one else who can open up the key to their hearts."

You know what? I exhausted every way possible in expressing my bitter hate towards these two boobs, so I'm just going to say this: They both need a good pounding, and I know that could mean many things.  Use your imagination.

If you play CLOSE attention to this trailer, and I mean REAL close, you'll notice nothing new happening.

WOW, how exciting!  I'm excited for one reason only, I get to return to my Hills Parodies.  Expect them real soon!

 

He may be dumb as hell, and looks it too, but I’d hit it.  Here is Chace Crawford distracting us from Maggie’s fashion at the Mercedes-Benz Polo Challenge in the Hamptons on Saturday.  

Yes that is a white people event.  Wow I am ANGRY today…this is what happens when I’m unemployed for too long.  I get vengeful and stabby with a slight case of pedophilia.

Don’t even try to decipher that, trust me my therapist(s) tried. 

 

I hate Maggie Gyllenhaal.  Wow I wish I could have articulated that emotion for you, but it’s pure and simple, I hate her. 

And now even more than ever.  Because she decided to redeem her bad acting by showing up in a silk jumper three sizes too big in all the wrong areas.  I'm craving ABBA.

 

Christian Bale was taken into police custody for allegedly assaulting his mother and sister at London’s Dorchester Hotel.  Not only did he fight off the allegations but Bale cooperated with the cops and has been released without any charges.  Duh!  He is Batman after all!

Usually I’d find domestic abuse to be both unjustified and cruel, however I am currently depressed and bitter due to my unemployment (hence the lack of blog updates) so I can’t help but  laugh at the thought of Christian Bale storming into the hotel room in a the bat cape yelling out KAPOW and BIFF as he punches away all while singing NANANANANANANANANNA BATMAN BATMAN BATMAN!

I blame Maggie Gyllenhaal....just because I can.

 

Is what I hope the next headline to read.  Apparently Heidi and Spencer Pratt are going to Iraq to support the troops.   The first thought that came to mind was….we’re still there??? But my mind shifted faster than a hamster’s when I realized how brutally funny it would be if they got stuck in Iraq and were forced to serve.   

Dying for a lost cause IS actually funny.  And let the hate mail roll in.